18 August 2016

3 years

Posted by Dirk under: Uncategorized .

Unable to sleep tonight due to my brain going on and on about various things.

The 18th, today, now, is the 3 year anniversary of my dad’s death.

I took the day off from work since it appears I’m not sleeping tonight.

You’d think after 3 years I’d be over it but I think, like most American males, when it happened, I bottled up my feelings and let mental scar tissue grow over and once again it’s festering in there and starting to poison me.

I think I’m going to need to anesthetize myself someday soon and stick a needle in there, let it all flow out.  It’ll probably be messy.

I haven’t felt very motivated for a while now.  Haven’t read hardly anything. Obviously don’t write in the blog anymore. Mostly watch movies/tv or play video games.

Getting old and facing mortality sucks.  Having both my dad and brother in law die right after another the way they did seems to have short circuited some part of my brain.  I get depressed more often.  Days where I look to the future and see nothing but boring and annoying work till I keel over.

All my old friends have moved away and I rarely see them anymore.

I buy stuff I don’t need just for the small pleasure of getting packages in the mail.  It’s something to look forward to.

I think that’s what I hate most about my job, how it makes me wish away 5 days of every 7.

Life is too short to be wanting 70% of it to zip past as quickly as possible.


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