23 September 2008

Reserving my spot in Hell…

Posted by Dirk under: musings .

I was raised Catholic.  My mom still goes to church every Sunday.  I went through the whole Catholic kid thing, confirmation and first communion and all that hoohah.

It didn’t stick though.  Not in the front part of my brain.  My dad wasn’t Catholic (a few years ago he signed on the dotted line though so now he dresses up every Sunday morning too) and I’d always wonder why he wasn’t going to church with us when I was a kid.  I finally asked my mom why and she said “Because he doesn’t want to”  Woah!  “I don’t want to either.” I said.

That didn’t work.  Eventually though I managed to take control enough to not have to go to church, but I did have to pay a weekly toll of guilt catapulted at me from my mom.  I hunkered down behind my fortress walls and lasted the barrage out.  She doesn’t really bother anymore.  Very often.

I suppose I’m not exactly an atheist.  I hedge my bets and go with agnostic.  Not because if I’m wrong, I want a chance to still get in good with the Big Guy, but because I just don’t like being wrong.  I don’t like making totally absolute statements.  I don’t want God to show up and prove his existence somehow and have everybody pointing at me and laughing like Nelson Muntz.

So, maybe there really is an old bearded dude up in the sky watching over us all and maybe he does give a shit about what he sees us doing.  So what?

I figure if that’s the case he must be one sick and twisted old freak.  Sorta like a redneck who doesn’t feed his pitbull for a month just to see if she’ll eat her own puppies.  And I don’t want anything to do with either of them.

I try to do the right thing because it is the right thing.  I’ve got my moral code and I try to live by it.  I am not always successful, being a mere human, but I try.  I don’t do the right thing because I’m scared that the JesusMonster will crawl out from under my bed at night and throw me into a fiery lake if I don’t.

But, I suppose many people need that threat of punishment to keep from behaving like total assholes, so if religion keeps em from running naked through the streets with a pistol in one hand and their pecker in the other, then it serves a useful purpose.

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